2.06 am

Another sleepless night, huh? I got a lot of stuff to think. I'm back together with my ex, a few days together let me recognize the old problems. Well, not really a problems, I'd say issues. There was something I've been missing though, like my type of kissing. Since we broke up I had kissed with 2 girls, and I cannot say I actually liked it. That's even more funny, because when I first kissed with my girlfriend, I didn't like it too, but we kissed a lot, and time passed, and we started to understand each other very well, literally we felt each other. Actually it's a part of my theory why people don't stop dating each other after a long time even if they're sick of each other. They are accustomed to a lot of things. That's how it works, maybe one of main reasons why I'm dating my ex now.

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So silly... 3 years passed but I still can't forget her. When I want to refer to any woman, I want to say exactly her name... I want to see her traits in other females, I still remember every feature of her. I use her phrases when I speak. You may think I love her - naaah. I just admire her and miss so much, cuz she moved to another country and we may never see her again.
That's funny, but some people cannot forget other people, with whome they got so much in common. While I was writing this entry I got call from my old friend. We argued 1,5 years ago and I erased all her contacts. It seems she didn't erase my phone, cool. That was the voice from the past. Seems like a long time ago I was a kid, who loved this phone talks. Naah, that was only 1,5 years ago.
I gotta admit, I feel like this is my new life phase. I always thought about my life as a phases, and every phase make some major character changes. Well, this is it, As an optimist I might say that every change is good. There's no bad things in this world, unless you create it in your mind and would suffer for nothing. I know that the whole entry is hilarious sentences randomly set by my unpredictable mind, but I'm a lil bit tipsy so... never mind

And another one

So, another month pass away. Lot of things happend. Hmm... I'm currently working at home, and I've undestood one thing - working at home is not so efficient, really. I can't concentrate on work and spend lot of time on some other stuff. This month I got more complains from my friend, he is obsessed with idea to quickly get rich, and his psychology turns into something really bad, cause he can't get rich and he's frustrating. I can't explain him that it's only his psychology level, he can be happy if he would change state of mind, That's really not so hard.
I met a girl - nice smile, nice body, smart - that's rarity nowadays. Well, talking with her make me so much pleasure - can't remember the last time I got that feeling. She's good... Really good... But a few minutes ago she said she started dating with guy 3 days earlier, and she met him exactly 3 days earlier, and she love him - this make me confused about her 100% consciousness. Damn.
My ex think that I have to do for her more stuff that she would do for me O_o. Why??? When we dated I made everything for her, but she did't like that perfectness of relationships, she wanted some argueing, some quarrel, maybe cause she got boring. But now she realize what she had lost. Too bad. I don't want her back. She killed all my feelings and obsessness about relationships, made me forever alone and to get advantages of it. So, next month after our break, I had not idea what to do with my salary, cause it seemed like a huge amout of money.

I'm back (pronounce with british accent, it sounds much cooler this way)

I haven't been posting for about 4 month, that's only cause I really don't have enough time. Currently I'm working on 2 jobs and involved in 3 projects beside, so I have time only for sleeping and still envy people that can sleep 3-5 hours and feel great. It seems that work so hard is really big deal - no, not at all. When friends ask me is it worth to spend so mush energy, I say "Oh yea, it is". I think there's a lot of things you need to do while young, so my projects are pretty different, and you need to gain some authority first, and let it work on you. Last 5 years I've been high achiever, so I can say authority is really relevant.
I know some people, that used to be high achievers in university, but in the real life they like to just live, keep things going their way and don't try to do their best. I don't say that it's bad, but I'm just a different kind of person, I'd prefer to try harder to achieve more than try less to achieve just things, that may be enough for me (and may not). I don't wanna live in small town cause it's quiet and calm, I wanna live in big city with millions of people, with beautiful huge buildings and light nights. And I know some people, that try so hard, I'm sure they'll get what they deserve, My ex is that kind of person. I think I'll never see her again - she want to move to Kiev, I want to move to another country...

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Imagine this situation: you dating someone, and realize that you like someone else, maybe even love him/her. What would you dump your current partner? How to do things right way and dont be an asshole?

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Last days I've been having some general questions appeared in my mind, something like "what's the purpose of ..." or "why is it happening this way, but not another". That's interesting - my mind haven't been acting this way for a long time. Recently I found site with psychedelic pictures, I liked them very much.

It's like breaking stereotypes. We get accustomed to see the world our ways, but this pictures let our eyes have an controdiction with our brain. I like this feeling!

How to please a woman

Dear women (girls) that reading this entry, please read my question with understanding (at least trying to) everything I wanna say. I have a girlfriend, and she's so pretty and cute - I really really really doh't want to fuck up our relationships. I want her to feel comfortable and needed. Please help me with some advices (including intimacy) - what girls like or dont like, how you want your boyfriends to act? What's better - bad guy or good guy?

Sign or coincidence?

I can't believe it! Recently I read my old post and found this http://sunlightwarrior.livejournal.com/2934.html

hen I thought about what happend last 3 month! It was like an emptiness of my soul, I felt like I got nothing, like everything was dark! But then Masha camed to me. I remember that feeling! Then I felt more comfortable cuz in that actual moment there was someone with me. Everything that happends now is like my state of mind that I had in that dream! Wow...


Talked with Nadya... Damn, she tried to fuck me up 2 month ago... I'm glad that stupid period is over and now Im living a new life - a lot shit happend, but everything is okay now. This year will be better then previous, and I know that. I admit that positive thinking bring a lot of good stuff, all that happends depend on state of mind. Nadya told me very strange story, I know she sorry for everything, She has some problems, it's not a big deal, but I worried about her - she may make some mistakes because of feeling lonely...
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Yeasterday I was on skating-rink first time in my life. The first and second laps were like epic fail (damn) =) I tried to understand what am I doing and how all that people can skate with no holdng ledge (it seemed like kinda magic or smthng). Anyway next laps were much better, I finally let off that ledge and skated on my own. I fell only 1 time. friends said it's good for the first time. Now I wanna skate again instead of working =) And I think I know what I'll do on next weekend)